MTG Codex

The minotaurs of Magic the Gathering – one of the most forgotten tribes to have ever been placed at the mercy of Magic research & design.  Why so, you ask?  As a long time fan of Magic minotaurs (known in my circle as “cows”), I have watched closely through the years the lack of evolution that has taken place among the great bovines.  Well, perhaps lack of evolution isn’t the right choice of words – let’s just call it neglect.  There have been some bright spots in the history of Magic’s minotaurs, for sure (those will be seen below), but reality is a cruel harsh hag.  The single most notable happening within the cow heard in the last couple years has been the usurpation of a long and tall standing Magic mainstay named Hill Giant.  Replaced by a card that I feel has tragically come to epitomize the sad state of affairs for what will be, for better or worse, one of my favorite creature types till duels do us part.  Poor, poor Canyon Minotaur.

In some ways this is an appeal to Magic Research & Design – free these beasts from the creative shackles you have cruelly placed upon them!  It’s about time a competitive cow tribe arose, don’t you think?

10. Anaba Spirit Crafter

Although another Magic minotaur actually can claim ownership to the word “lord” in his name, the Anaba Spirit Crafter is in reality the closest thing the cows have to a lord type creature.  Note: he’s not a real lord, because to be that, he would need to also give other minotaurs a +1 toughness bonus and some kind of keyword ability or type-wide effect.  Sadly, Anaba Spirit Crafter doesn’t do these things, but at least he gives other minotaurs some kind of bonus, which is more than can be said for any other cow.  Although this is true, I know from experience that the Spirit Crafter does little to make opponent’s tremble like other lords do.  In fact, he is the only tribal lordesque creature I know of that, when six creatures of the same type are on the table top, is the last one to eat an opponent’s Doom Blade.  I’m not sure what hurts him more, a Doom Blade or the implicit statement of suck that comes from Labyrinth Minotaur getting removed before you.  I guess if nothing else, he’s a survivor.

9. Raka Disciple

Some might think Raka Disciple an interesting choice for a top 10 list slot.  After all, is anyone going to rush and place Ana Disciple or Necra Disciple on a Best Of List?  Probably not, but this again only serves to illustrate that, in the world of cows, possessing even a mildly beneficial ability is akin to creating a spark in Quest For Fire.  Basics are hard to come by – and what basics are we speaking of here?  Evasion.  Minotaurs aren’t known for their stealth.  They usually just smash through everything, but as the creatures of Magic have grown larger in recent years, they haven’t kept up very well.  Enter Raka Disciple ability #2: tap a blue mana, tap Raka Disciple, give target creature flying.  Would you believe the cows have actually won games through this ability?

What was that?  Raka Disciple can now prevent 1 damage to any of my 3 toughness minotaurs?  Um, that seems handy? (/sarcasm)

8. Anaba Shaman

Anaba Shaman was a champion performer back in the days of Homelands.  He could single-handedly own aggressors like Ambush Party, annoyances like Death Speakers and Aysen Bureaucrats, and turn 1 & 2 standbys like Joven’s Ferrets, Giant Albatross, and Ghost Hounds.  In fact, he was so popular when I first entered Magic that he was an auto-include in any red deck constructed by my circle of friends.  Incidentally, so was Tim (Prodigal Sorcerer), which likely contributed in part to his popularity.  These days Anaba Shaman has been a little outmoded by cards like Vulshok Sorcerer and Cunning Sparkmage, but unlike most tap for 1 damage dealers, he still has his 2 toughness.  That has to count for something, right?

7. Warmonger

Warmonger is so good… yet so bad.  Back in the day of Mercadian Masques limited he was a house – a pseudo-Wrath of God on turn 5.  In casual constructed, however, he often hurts as well as he helps.  Yet he’s still a lot of fun.  There aren’t many cards in the game of Magic that allow any player to activate them, especially creatures.  I’ve found that even elf players on the receiving end of a Warmonger tend to appreciate him for what he is.  What is he exactly?  Multi-player bliss, and the “steak maker” in a minotaur deck.  Just attack in with your team, drop Warmonger on the table, and get ready to place the slabs of meat on the grill.

6. Deadshot Minotaur

Deadshot Minotaur scores a number 6 slot on this list for his possession of a situationally relevant removal ability.  Yes, that’s correct – situational relevancy does earn entitlement on a list like this!  Perhaps even more crucial though is the fact that Deadshot Minotaur removes pesky flyers that the cows have continual problems with.  At one point flyers were so troublesome in my causal group that I actually played Skyshaper in my cow deck.  I was depserate and looking for something that would curve out, help defend against flyers, and alpha strike all at the same time.  Deadshot Minotaur doesn’t actually accomplish any of these very well, and beyond that, it takes green mana to pump him out!

Wait, why is he on this list again?  Let’s just cycle him for one red mana move on to number 5, shall we?

5. Hurloon Wrangler

Stop laughing.  No, really – stop laughing.  When was the last time you played Magic the Gathering without wearing denim?  My guess is that you wear denim to 2-out-of-3 Magic events you attend, be they casual nights or heated tournaments.  Hurloon Wrangler has the single most relevant evasion ability out of any of the cows.  Where I have seen other landwalking creature’s  abilities consistently fail, I have rarely seen the Wrangler unable to get in there for 2 damage.  Cast a Bull Rush on this guy and oh boy, does the opponent break out in the sweats.  That is, of course, until Warmonger comes out the following turn and everyone has a barbecue.

4. Karplusan Minotaur

The Coldsnap set probably produced by itself a shortlist of some of the least feared cards in Magic the Gathering in the last five years.  Much of this had to do with the return of cumulative upkeeps (puke), yet despite this, one guy from Coldsnap who always seems to draw a lot of ire on the casual tabletop is Karplusan Minotaur.  I still can’t figure out why.  Every time he rears his bovine head, I declare “Oh, look out and respect you fools, or you just might get dealt one damage”!  The operative word here – might.  Karplusan Minotaur might kill something.  Karplusan Minotaur might try to attack your Grizzly Bears.  Karplusan Minotaur might even deal you one damage.  In the end, only one thing seems for certain: Karplusan Minotaur will die from a Lightning Bolt, and that’s just cold.

3. Minotaur Illusionist

Good-ole Minotaur Illusionist, a cow with real character.  This pronghorn looking chap single-handedly demands a splash of blue in any minotaur deck.  In the tribalverse of cows having 4 toughness is an important matter, since in most cases a Lightning Helix brings both steak and fresh breath.  But not in the case of Minotaur Illusionist.  Not only does his first ability protect him from the wrath of anything other than God, but his second ability allows him (and you) an out, just begging your opponent to give you the opportunity to 2-for-1 her.  Path to Exile coming his way?  Fine, just sack Minotaur Illusionist for 3 damage to kill a Wren’s Run Vanquisher or Boggart Ram Gang.  It’s sweet, but you know what’s even sweeter?  Sacking him for 4 damage with an Anaba Spirit Crafter on the board!  (Alright, fine.  It’s not that sweet, but seriously, what more do you want?  Really?)

2. Lord of Shatterskull Pass

Finally, here is a serious card.  Remember those bright spots I mentioned in the introduction?  Here’s one of two.  Lord of Shatterskull Pass is a house.  A 6/6 attacking on turn five is really good in any color outside of green, and even in green, it’s still pretty good.  Chances of attaining level 6 are usually quite poor, but on several occasions where I have achieved it, carnage ensues.  Lord of Shatterskull Pass can win games, plain and simple, and with three or four cows stampeding behind him he’s about as good (in some cases even better) than an Overrun.  His value in casual and standard tournament circles may actually even increase in the near future due to the release of the Proliferate keyword ability in the forthcoming Scars of Mirrodin block.  Will level-up become good?  Maybe, but I wouldn’t bet my XP on it.

1. Tahngarth, Talruum Hero

There is definitely elbow room for disagreement over Tahngarth’s bestowment of rank 1 over Lord of Shatterskull Pass.  To be frank, Tahngarth wins out for flavor if not for utility.  Yet even those who might argue for Lord of Shatterskull Pass would likely agree that Tahngarth is an excellent utility creature.  He attacks each turn, blocks during your opponents attack, and then taps to kill a creature.  In the best of circumstances (and the best is more common here than you might suspect), Tahngarth performs 3 very worthwhile effects in a single round, and against token decks he shines best.  Unlike Lord of Shatterskull Pass, it doesn’t take multiple turns to really get him up and running, and he benefits immensely from support cards like Anaba Spirit Crafter and Raka Disciple.  In the end, he’s just more versatile than Lord of Shatterskull Pass, and my experience informs me that cow decks that fail to respond to opposing decks with proper removal simply lose hard.

Keep on leading the bovine charge Tahngarth, but should Research & Design ever print a card that effectively provides you a demotion, I will provide a respectful, albeit enthusiastic, retirement to a plastic sleeve.  Or maybe I’ll just keep on giving you the start.

Tags: Cow, Minotaur

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